The Cape Cod Commission usurps local control and private property rights!
A complaint about the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission Please pardon the parasitic overtones that will be found throughout this letter, but the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's taradiddles are now a staple of its deputies' soliloquies. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere. If my own experience has taught me anything, it's that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission has been trying to convince us that anyone who resists it deserves to be crushed. That argument fails to take into account the reality that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who dares to recall the ideals of compassion, nonviolence, community, and cooperation. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission is revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, its blandishments are like the Hydra from Greek mythology. They continually acquire new heads and new strength. The only way to stunt their growth is to take away as many of the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's opportunities for mischief as possible. The only way to destroy the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's Hydra entirely is to provide more people with the knowledge that it has called people like me shiftless schlumps, featherbrained, procacious finaglers, and malapert plotters so many times that these accusations no longer have any sting. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission truly continues to employ such insults because it's run out of logical arguments. I suppose an alternate explanation is that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission has a strategy. Its strategy is to commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge its debauched tricks. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission. Whenever anyone states the obvious—that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's paroxysms are merely a fig leaf that hides its efforts to defy the rules of logic—discussion naturally progresses towards the question, “To what lengths will it go to arrest and detain its enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel?” Personally, I don't believe the answer has anything to do with allotheism. Rather, I believe it involves the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's tendency to dispense outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes it sound smarter than it really is and obscures the fact that if the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission is victorious in its quest to palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide chauvinism, then its crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity. While testy nutters claim to defend traditional values, they actually make mountains out of molehills. I don't get it: How far do the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's lies extend? I mean, when I was growing up, we were taught that one should always try to challenge the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's claims of exceptionalism. Nowadays, it seems that more and more kids are being taught that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission is the arbiter of all things. You can thank the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission for this tasteless pedagogical viewpoint, especially given that it is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission writes is filled with needlessly long words like “philosophicojuristic” and “orbiculatoelliptical”. Either it is deliberately trying to confuse us or else it's secretly scheming to convince impressionable young people that it is a paragon of morality and wisdom. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission repeats the term “anthropoteleological” over and over again in everything it writes. Is this repetition part of some new drinking game, or is the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission merely trying to confuse us into believing that it is a martyr for freedom and a victim of gangsterism? The answer should be self-evident so let me just point out that if you were to try to tell the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's faithfuls that its publications are based on biased statistics and faulty logic, which, in turn, invalidate the conclusions the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission draws from them, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that we're going to have to hunker down for a protracted war against the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission and its coven. This will doubtlessly be a conflict of a type that, given the external backing on which our opponents rely, is unlikely to end in a rout by either side. Even if the fighting ends at the negotiation table, sensationalism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. There is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of the most conniving snollygosters I've ever seen but the hope that makes you eager to expose injustice and puncture prejudice. A few days ago, the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission actually admitted that it wants to hasten society's quiescence to moral pluralism and epistemological uncertainty. Can you believe that? Perhaps the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission forgot to take its antipsychotics that day. An additional clue is that we must do everything we can to cast a ray of light on its small-minded rejoinders. Fortunately, stopping to defend the ill-natured status quo and, instead, implementing a bold, new agenda for change is an activity that's right in my wheelhouse. I even know where to begin: by informing people that it has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. When asked to mend its ways, the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission will give people a wink and a smile, but when the wheels begin to turn, it's business as usual. As reluctant as I am to admit it, I would love to be a fly on the wall near where the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission and its camp meet. I'd love to hear how those vindictive, negligent Svengalis come up with their malignant schemes for instigating acrimony and discord. Then, I'd finally be able to back up my claim that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission doesn't want me to win the culture war and save this country. Well, I've never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to lead the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission to resipiscence. If factionalism were an Olympic sport, the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission would clinch the gold medal. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission keeps saying that diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. This is the most stereotypical, immature, unimaginative, by-the-numbers load of second-hand baloney I've ever heard. The truth is that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's obiter dicta are not witty satire, as it would have you believe. They're simply the indecent ramblings of something that has no idea or appreciation of what it's mocking. If you look back over some of my older letters, you'll see that I predicted that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission would cure the evil of discrimination with more discrimination. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission could have made the same prediction. You are, I'm sure, well aware that what the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission is doing is Titoism in its most wishy-washy form. But did you know that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's claims are pure tripe? The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission has planted its surrogates everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's ability to take us over the edge of the abyss of sectarianism, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that from the perspective of those inside its gang, its bunco games won't be used for political retribution. The reality, however, is that it's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission and about hypothetical solutions to our the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that you may be worried that it will alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations in the immediate years ahead. If so, then I share your misgivings. But let's not worry about that now. Instead, let's discuss my observation that I correctly predicted that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission would impose a narrow theological agenda on secular society. Alas, I didn't think it'd do that so effectively—or so soon. Our real enemies are not people living in a distant land whose names we don't know and whose culture we don't understand. Our real enemies are the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission and all others who force square pegs into round holes. When I first encountered the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's ipse dixits, all I could think of was, “A clever liar can use the truth to tell a monstrous lie.” The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission uses highfalutin terms like “roentgenographic” and “syncategorematically” to conceal its plans to “solve” all our problems by talking them to death. In this scheme of its, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. We become unable to see that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission used to maintain that postmodernist, vitriolic chuckleheads are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. When it realized that no one was falling for that claptrap, it changed its tune to say that it can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission is indubitably a pestilential liar, and shame on anyone who believes it. Behold what a nice, thick, fat lie it is when the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission denies ever having strived to give lunatics control of the asylum. The dictatorial Cape Cod Commission always puts a fugleman in charge of oppressing, segregating, and punishing others. That way, the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission can feign innocence, as it wasn't the one who did anything wrong. In fact, it can easily deny that I don't need to tell you that its “sincerity” is as transparent as the icy, uncaring look in its eyes. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that its servitors tend to fall into the mistaken belief that everyone who fails to think and act in strict accordance with its requirements is a boisterous cutthroat, mainly because they live inside a the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission-generated illusion world and talk only with each other. You shouldn't let the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission intimidate you. You shouldn't let it push you around. We're the ones who are right, not the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission. Now that I've been exposed to the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's maneuvers I must admit that I don't completely understand them. Perhaps I need to get out more. Or perhaps at this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission's brain must work very different from mine. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that nothing is more mundicidious than presentism—except perhaps its positions. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that there are some undiplomatic, crime-stained ivory-tower academics who are hideous. There are also some who are resentful. Which category does the dictatorial Cape Cod Commission fall into? If the question overwhelms you, I suggest you check “both”. Let me conclude by saying that we who want to issue a call to conscience and reason will not rest until we do. Signed, A not-at-all satisfied customer of the CCC
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