As King Leonidas said in the movie ‘300’: “You there, what is your profession?”
So, you there, what is it? What’s the activity that you do on a daily basis (or maybe less frequently) to earn money (or other assets) to sustain yourself (or barely keep up)? What’s that vocation based upon education (or lack of it) and skills (more-or-less-know-how)? What do you do to supply service to others (or to harm them)?
Whatever you do is good. Even if you don’t like it. There should be nobility in every profession. Even if you hate it.
Survey says: 70 percent of American workers hate their job. Only 20% love what they do. The others probably don’t care anymore.
Let’s all try to love our job. It may be hard. There is no job fairy to deliver us the perfect job. Or maybe there is – for some lucky people. But some lucky people also win lottery. Same odds.
Let’s try to love whatever we do. Let’s put our job at the top of some list. We can always find some kind of list, which our job can top.
Do you have the oldest profession? (By the way, it is not what you just thought).
Survey says: almost everyone considers PROSTITUTION the oldest profession.
Which is not true. Think about it. The very first employee was Adam. “God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” Adam just needed to watch over the area (job), and enjoy the produce (wages). So he kind of was a GARDENER and a SECURITY GUARD. Kind of symbolically. Because it was not much to do in the Garden of Eden, where all the plants were perfect and not subjected to contamination. And with the population of one guy, whom to guard it from? Let’s say, Adam was the first ENVIRONMENTAL PROFESSIONAL. And this is the real oldest profession. Only when God crafted a woman from Adam’s rib, a foundation for prostitution was created. It did not become a career immediately. It was much later, after the First Couple produced larger population, and the population produced unprecedented demand for intimate services. Then a new supplier entered the market in response to the demand. The final point: while sex-workers are not THE oldest professionals, they are still pretty high on this list.
Other antique occupations still in existence since ancient times (despite of the technology) are MEDICAL WORKERS, TEACHERS, ARTISTS, CLERGY AND LAWYERS. Then, if there lawyers there criminals. THIEVES, SPIES AND SERIAL KILLERS are some of the oldest jobs (see the bible). Then, if there society there POLITICIANS (similar to prostitution, antique but not the oldest). And also:
- ARCHITECTS and BUILDERS. (In business since people realized the necessity of shelter to keep out the harsh elements).
- TAILORS. (Since great ice age when it became too chilly to walk around naked).
- WEAPON DEALERS. (Since the beginning of civilization. Humans always spent a fair amount of time killing each other. Those with the skill to create stuff that kills were in demand forever).
- FARMERS. (Since we tamed the beasts and began cultivating crops).
- ACCOUNTANTS and BANKERS. (Some of our earliest ancestors had to keep track of the tribal assets. (Also, see MONEY LENDERS in the bible) So the banking or at least credit system was well established pretty long ago).
- AUTHORS and MUSICIANS. (How do you think a prehistoric community lived without TV and Internet? Entertainers, you are also at the top of this list)!
This list is changing too fast, it’s hard to track. For now let’s mention jobs in social media. Hopefully they still will be the newest for the next fifteen minutes.
- SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER. It is an official position with a pretty fair compensation of $50,000 a year starting out. What you need is to understand Facebook and Twitter (who under the age of 50 doesn’t?) and enjoy tweeting, posting and engaging people through social media (who wouldn’t?).
- FRIENDITUDE. Not an official position, but a popular practice of trading companionable favors for money.(No sex involved). Just pretend to be a social networking friend of a lonely rich dude and send him nice public messages every once in a while. Followed by the passing of cash.
The highest paid
This category is kind of comparative and personal. Unless you are Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates or Tiger Woods, you are not quite comfortable placing what you do at the top of this list. Think of it this way: your job is the highest paid in the office… in the neighborhood… in the family… in your AA group… and so on. This is especially therapeutic for those who hate their job but love money.
The common list is kind of obvious but still relative:
- PHYSICIANS (private practice is a plus, lower body area – gynecology, proctology, podiatry - is a plus).
- DENTISTS (especially solo practitioners and especially orthodontists).
- PSYCHIATRISTS (private practice in a quiet wealthy area – recommended).
- LAWYERS (corporate liars earn more).
- INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY PROFESSIONALS (CEO position in Fortune500 corporation is a plus).
- AIRLINE PILOTS (The bigger the aircraft - the better).
If you don’t make this list, don’t get upset. Think of your job as
The most satisfying
Survey says: about 20% of those making less than $15,000 a year say they are very satisfied with their jobs, vs. 14% of those who make more than $50,000 a year.
Whatever you do and regardless of what you earn, if you are personally satisfied – you are on the top of this list. Remember: you have a good salary - small but good.
You can always come up with an original list, and top it. For example,
The most eccentric
- SHARK TANK CLEANER (Perfect for thrill lovers).
- KNIFE-THROWER’S ASSISTANT (Perfect for thrill seekers. The only downside is that no insurance company would offer a policy to someone who lets people throw knives at them for a living).
- CHICKEN SEXER (Requires unique skills in deciphering the genitalia of newly-hatched birds to separate male hatchlings from the females).
- ODOR JUDGE (Honorary position for adjudicators with strong olfactory system. Judge’s nose tries defendant’s armpits for deodorant misdemeanor).
- CONDOM TESTER. (Guys, don’t quit your job and change career yet. In reality this occupation involves stretching the items over a machine to test their strength and durability).
- GOLF BALL DIVER (experienced deep-sea divers retrieving golf balls from the murky depths of lakes).
- CROCODILE WRANGLER (Wrestling crocodiles, alligators, and other aggressive animals is simultaneously awesome and insane line of work).
The most relaxing
- FURNITURE TESTER. (The cushiest jobs possible. Furniture testers get paid to sit and lounge about on chairs, couches, beds, and other elements of home décor to help manufacturers test their safety and comfort).
- PROFESSIONAL SLEEPER. (Literally a dream job. Not only you can sleep at work, but you can also work in your sleep researching insomnia and other disorders).
- STAND-IN BRIDESMAID. (Some bridezillas, obsessed with a certain number of attendants, can actually pay women to stand in the ceremony to fill out the ranks).
The most disgusting
- VOMIT COLLECTOR. (If you love amusement parks, this is the job for you. The most thrilling rides make people lose their mind, as well as their lunch. Land a job cleaning people’s barf, and enjoy the thrill park employee discount).
- LIVESTOCK MASTURBATOR. (The job plays an integral role in the food supply. To acquire the body fluids necessary for breeding and future meat quality, someone needs to manually stimulate cows and other barnyard animals. This is a very rewarding activity, pleasing both the bull and the future consumers of meat).
- WORM PICKER. (If you don’t sleep at night and like working in the dark, especially on rainy days, go and look for worm colonies. Select the best worms, stuff these filthy creatures in cans and sell your wiggly prey to local fishermen for bait).
- FART SNIFFER. (People actually get paid to smell gas given off by cows in order to determine their diet, hormonal balance, and overall health. Anyone hungry?)
Let’s love our profession, people. Let’s put it at the top of our personal customized lists.