Days are getting shorter, nights are getting colder. The nature is dying. It’s almost winter. Time to get scared, as the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead becomes blurred. Time for Halloween.

This year we’ll see some new changes to the old whimsical festivities, utilized by both societies of the living and the dead.

First, the National Federation of Ghosts has announced a strike this Halloween, after failed negotiations with the government. Legendary Bloody Mary, a spokeswoman for the Federation, said, "The government is incredibly ignorant in not meeting our demands. We want better treatment and true recognition for our work, something we have never had in our afterlife-time."

Honorable Father-of-Prince-Hamlet, also known as “the Ghostfather”, added: “we are sick of the living crowd walking the streets, covered with bed sheets, trying to trick us into believing that they are our fellow spirits. We are somewhat old, but not demented enough not to tell a genuine phantasm from an ‘undercover’ prankster.”

Government spokesmen have declined to comment as yet, but sources say they are unwilling to be bullied into making any knee-jerk reactions to the “ridiculous and over-blown demands of a bunch of free loading phantoms.”

It will be a very lonely Halloween for ghost lovers, but devils, witches and the walking dead are unaffected by the strike. Spokesmen for their respective unions want to ensure fright lovers that they will all be out in force as usual.

There are also new developments on the side of the living. This year there will be new free classes available to the public, such as “Cocktail bomb construction” and “How to make flammable devices from household items”. Selective townships will set the goal of 66 arsons per community on Devil’s Night. This goal is to prove that the whole neighborhood can work together and accomplish anything they set their minds to.

Schools, banks and all city government offices will be closed on Tuesday in order to give participants time to prepare for the evening’s pyrotechnic displays. The water supply to fire hydrants will be cut and fire-crews will be under-staffed for the event.

The grand price for the most proficient arsonists will be awarded by the local law enforcement agencies: free inmate costumes for the next Halloween.

City officials will advise the citizens to have a good time but to do it safely. The party goers should shoot hand guns at houses or cars but never up in the air as somebody could get hit on the head by a falling bullet.

There is another innovation from the police force.  Not to be bothered with Halloween’s “good intent 911 calls” due to a “man” hanging by his hands from the rain gutter, or a “gentleman”about to jump from a skyscraper, or a “dude” on railway tracks, or a bloody body under a riding lawnmower; these calls will be considered false alarms. Consequently, there is a new regulation - avoid getting into real accident on Halloween night, as no one will believe it anyway. A special law was issued – not to plan suicide on this particular night. Violators, killing themselves on Halloween, will be prosecuted.

The paramedics, though, will not reduce their workload. Heart attacks will rise by a staggering 68% on Halloween. This is mainly down to the old and infirm being called upon, and literally scared to death. Ambulance call outs will also increase but only by 54%. The deficit is put down to many old people not being discovered until some days later.

A healthy alternative will be offered to the younger generation: to take their Halloween Trick or Treat candy to a Weight Watchers location and exchange them for buckets of vegetables with equivalent points value. The initiative comes with a warning that we may expect occurrences of unhappy kids weeping, sobbing, crying, screaming, and breaking things such as ashtrays, expensive vases, dishes and bottles of imported wine.

While we spend the whole year trying to keep our children safe from the fears and scary reality of life, on this one night we actively encourage scaring the dickens out of them. We know that the phantom monsters are kids-friendly and the only damage caused to a youngster will be the wet pants. Though this year additional precautions will be taken to protect children from real-life monsters also known as offenders. An ordinance will be passed to prevent car thieves, burglars, political assassins, extortionists, gangsters, and city council members to open their doors to trick-or-treaters. They will also be not allowed to turn on their lights or put up Halloween decorations.

For the first time the positive effect of Halloween on industrial development and employment is announced to general public. Over 16 billion tones of candies will be consumed over the two days following Halloween, across the world. This equates to around 14 billion tones of vomit, and an average of 32 million rotten teeth. Not only the candy manufacturing will be boosted by Halloween, but also the dental, sanitation and healthcare industries, which will provide new seasonal jobs and security for full-time employees.

Wishing you a merry-scary Holiday!