They say, “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

We say, “Life may get longer if you smile more.” And if you don’t have Julia Roberts’ set of teeth, don’t deprive yourself of extra time above the ground. Think outside the box. Think outside the mouth. Don’t think of a smile as mere facial expression. Smile is an expression of happy that should not necessarily involve stretching and thinning of lips, deepening of wrinkles and exposing jowls. Smile can be delivered by any part of your being.

Supermodel Tyra Banks has already claimed the invention of an avant-garde fashion trend – the Smize - that is smiling with the eyes. The technique is now available to the public and is not limited to easy-breezy-beautiful cover girls.

Smize instructions:

  • Relax and think of something funny.
  • Shoulders down, head up.
  • Tilt chin down, shift temples back.
  • Execute a little eye squint without disturbing the rest of your face.
  • Avoid pouting. Reminiscent of something goats do during mating season, the pout doesn't look sexy.
  • Don't think "Che-ese" – no Bri-ie, no Swi-iss, no Hipi Iti. Maybe a tiny piece of Cheddar to plump up your lips.
  • Practice in front of the mirror.

Tyra Banks has also promoted an innovative technique of “Booty Tooch”, which is ‘over-exaggerating the arch of the lower back to accentuate the posterior’, or simply, sticking out your butt. We consider the Booty Tooch a brand of smile. Following Tyra’s naming convention; we’ll call it the Smooch.

Smooch instructions:

  • Stick your butt out.
  • Try a Poochie Smooch variation. Same as first bullet but without sucking in your gut.
  • Try a Juicy Smooch variation. Same as first bullet but high-fashioned. Try to look awkward.
  • Try a Hoochie Smooch variation (self-explanatory).
  • Try a Dookie Smooch variation (self-explanatory).
  • Practice in front of the mirror.

Another alternative is “the Smear” that is smiling with your rear. It is not invented by Tyra Banks. It is not synonymous to the Smooch, since you are sticking your butt sideways and not backwards. This technique surpasses the most seductive mouth-smile and has a mesmerizing effect on the opposite gender.

Smear instructions:

  • Slowly move your derrière to the right and 45 degrees up.
  • Return to starting position.
  • Slowly move your derrière to the left and 45 degrees up.
  • Return to starting position.
  • Try an up-tempo variation. Same as the original but fast. Right-left-right-left-right-left. As an equivalent of giggling.
  • Practice this in a dressing room with 360-degree mirrors.

A very effective smile is The Smelly that is smiling with your belly. It is a unique expression of your wild, most ecstatic self. The Smelly exudes internal joy and gastronomic satisfaction.

Smelly instructions:

  • Watch belly dancers perform.
  • Take belly dancing class.
  • · Or try amateur variation:
    • Move your belly button inward as close to the spine as you can.
    • Hold it there for 5 seconds.
    • Move it outwards as far from your body as you can.
    • Repeat.

Next one is the Smarm. As you can guess by now, it is smiling with your arm. This way of expression is very similar to sign language, and we’ll call it Smign language. There are no particular instructions. Just perform popular gestures with intention of smile:

  • Thumb touching forefinger – ‘Okay’ smile.
  • Thumb up – approving smile.
  • Index finger and middle finger up – ‘Victory’ smile.
  • Index finger down, middle finger up – ‘Goodbye’ smile.

And so on…

But don’t ignore your mouth. It can still be used for smiling. If you don’t have multiple teeth remaining, don’t be discouraged.  You can “Smooth” – smile with what you have left.

And finally, “the Small” that is the biggest. Smile with all your body.

Small instructions:

  • Close your eyes.
  • Relax and imagine good times.
  • Feel the smiling energy flowing across your face.
    • Let it flow down your nose and mouth into the digestive tract and all the way through.
    • Swallow and imagine that your saliva is full of the smiling energy.
    • Say "Ahhhh."
    • Take the smile into your neck and throat.
    • Smile into the thyroid gland.
    • Spread the smile to the heart.
    • "Ahhhh."
    • Flow the smile to the lungs.
    • Flow the smile to the right through the liver.
    • To the left, flow the smile through the pancreas.
    • Flood your kidneys with the smile.
    • Finally, flow the smiling energy down through the urinary bladder, and through the reproductive organs.
    • "Ahhhh."

At this point your whole body is smiling back at you. Now smize, smooth, smooch, smelly, smarm and smear.

You’ve just bought yourself a couple of good years.