Gas prices are so high, that the sign at the gas station ‘We take Visa, Master Card, Discover, and American Express’ - becomes a warning rather than information. It warns you that after you fill up, they WILL take your Visa, your Master Card, your Discover and American Express... And your 401K.

As if this was not bad enough, we now suspect that some gas stations are diluting the gasoline: high octane fuel – with the low octane, regular – with water, or ethanol, or possibly beer and maybe even jackass urine. We also suspect they are adding pollutants and junk that will destroy the engine. Help!

We need to find some alternative solution.

Using bicycles, skateboards, roller skates or a pair of good running sneakers is a rational suggestion, pretty funny but not always practical.

Having your car towed to work is cheaper than buying gas, though it is not a legitimate solution.

Electric cars are expensive, but power stations are more economical than fuel pumps. For those who have extra cash to buy an electric vehicle this may be the way to go. For others, who still rely on liquid fuel, alternative energy is something to think about. Like air, water, sun, geothermal heat, biomass, - anything but oil.

Imagine a car running on tree leaves, a car, which utilizes a roof-mounted collector to suck leaves from trees alongside the road and burns them to power the generator. That’s a creative idea, though it would not work in a desert, or during ‘naked tree’ season, and can be banned by trees preservation groups.

Wouldn’t it be nice to use all kinds of waste as a substitute for expensive, nature-killing and boring oil? As a creative approach to garbage removal?

While no one has yet tried to power a vehicle with miscellaneous, unprocessed trash, you might be surprised at some of the experimental alternative fuels that are being developed. They are quite controversial – trash is kind of not clean. Greenpeace warns that classifying garbage as a source of renewable energy risks protecting it, rather than trying to produce less of it in the first place. Besides, the incinerators (trash processors) are the leading source of extremely toxic chemicals. On the other hand, some argue that, while we are facing a catastrophic climate change, using this energy is worth breathing in dirty air. Anyway, back to the ‘garbage-to-fuel’ idea.

It may be disgusting, but waste – from both humans and animals – has proven to be a surprisingly efficient form of free renewable energy. In Norway, city buses run on biomethane, which is a byproduct of treated sewage.

Turkey (a bird, not a country) is a very popular source of liquid energy. To be exact, turkey guts, feathers, heads, feet and private parts. As we wonder how to utilize our Thanksgivings leftovers, a company called Changing World Technologies opened a plant in Missouri that converts rotting slaughterhouse waste into diesel, gasoline or jet fuel. One day we can have a gobble-gobble-driven cars and turkey-powered jets (And they say turkeys can’t fly.)

Cows are also considered a major source of methane, emitting it in all sorts of unappetizing ways, from both ends of their bodies. An Ohio company has developed a way to refine that methane gas into a usable fuel.

Bugs poop oil, and their excrements are claimed to produce renewable petroleum by Silicon Valley Company LS9.

Human’s byproducts can be utilized as well as animal’s. For example, burning corpses. The Swedish town of Halmstead figured that heat generated by crematoriums shouldn’t be wasted, so they decided to turn it into fuel instead of just letting it escape into the sky.

You can also contribute to renewable energy production while you are still alive. And this is very exciting news! Because you can donate your spare fat! Apparently a gallon of fat can be turned into a gallon of biofuel. Imagine connecting the engine right to your butt and having liposuction while you are driving! Just wait until it becomes legal to use human medical waste to power vehicles.

Then there are urine-powered batteries. That’s right; pee is a promising source of renewable energy as it is composed of hydrogen and nitrogen. Maybe diluting gasoline with jackass urine was not such a bad idea.

Now, we can feed our vehicles with our actual food. Valuable sources of biofuel include onions, apples, watermelons, nuts and chocolate. Imagine a chocolate bar replacing a gas pump. Yum! Nothing is better than a Ferrari running on chocolate.  Okay, it is not actual groceries, but the production waste (usually processing not-for-sale rotting or imperfect stuff) that makes sort-of-greener-ish fuel. Still, more appealing than turkey guts or human ashes.

Booze deserves special mentions. Alcohol, spirits, the hard stuff. Millions of gallons of which are confiscated by authorities each year—at customs checkpoints, underage drinking parties and similar occasions. That’s a lot of alcohol – and until recently, it was all being poured down the drain. What a waste. Luckily, someone in Swedish government came up with a brilliant idea: shipping it to a waste-to-fuel plant that creates fuel for biogas-powered vehicles.  Scottish whiskey distilleries also run their own plants on byproducts of their own distilling process. Turning booze into clean energy!

Poopy diapers are certainly one of the most eccentric alternative fuel sources. But green-minded new parents will be thankful to a Canadian company, AMEC, erecting a used-diapers-recycling plant in Quebec. They will feel less guilty for their bundle of joy being an environmental burden. Instead the bottom-messy infant becomes a source of renewable energy. By the way, adult poop would work just as well; so incontinence may be a stinkin’-good business opportunity.

Back to less disgusting stuff. Why not water? (The substance dishonest gas-providers use to dilute the gasoline). When you use gas, your vehicle is actually running on hydrogen. H2O is a great source of hydrogen and thus a very powerful fuel. It’s worth a try. Death to Fossil fuels and Hallelujah to Water! As a fuel!

Sometimes outside-the-box thinking leads to fairly unusual ideas. But some day these ideas might wind up becoming a real deal. A vital energy source, a way of survival in tough economy, and a fuel for slashing the outrageous fuel prices.