Eyes wide, nostrils flaring, mouth gaping.  Deep breath, ready, set, scream! Noooo!

A memorable scene from a horror film: the killer is approaching (‘Noooo!’), the car is falling off the cliff (‘Noooo!’), the lion is dying (‘Noooo!’), the bomb is detonating (‘Noooo!’)… J. C. Penny is announcing a new pricing strategy (‘NOOOOOOO!).

Isn’t it genius? A new twist on horror: a shopper screaming "Noooo!" when he encounters complicated sale prices. A new twist on commercials: an ad that earmarks consumer’s rage at ads… And generates new rage:

- Most annoying ad ever!

- Assault on my nerves!

- This commercial scares our cat!

- One screaming pig was bad enough. Now there's a whole herd of them!

- JCP should fire whatever idiot came up with this one!

- The entire ad department needs to be fired!


- The commercial is so offensive, intrusive, and recurring that I will never go there again!

- I will never shop at Pennys again!

Oh yeeees, you will. If the prices will really be screamingly good, you will. You will heal the Noooo!-induced trauma and shop at Pennys.

You may even have fun reminiscing the horrifying ad. You can come to the store and (ready-set-go) scream, yell, shout, holler, shriek! They can’t kick you out, they can’t even warn you, because that’s the way they invited you. Now it is legit and welcomed. As seen on TV.

I bet that lots of people are doing this since the first day of sale. And intend to do it forever, as the sale is supposed to be permanent. Isn’t it genius? First, you can get back at JCP for abusing your ears. Second, when else you get to scream in a public place? I bet that as long as this ad will remain in consumer memory, the malls will echo with goofy “Noooo!”

Seriously, we became so stiff, appropriate and boring. Why not to use a great opportunity to loosen up and feel liberated and daring?

Screaming is good. Vociferation is healthy.  It was given to us for a reason in the process of evolution. Then it was trapped in contrived guidelines of ‘good manners’ and we forgot how to do it.

Yelling at your spouse is abuse; shouting at your employees is harassment, screaming in public is misdemeanor; raising voice at your children is cruelty.

We are going against the nature.  Think of it, we scream right out of our mothers at birth. We keep on screaming through our baby-toddler years. And then this congenital privilege is taken away from us. Can you still remember how you ‘Aaaaaaa!’ or ‘Noooo!’ when you were a toddler?

Do you know that suppressed emotions result it neurosis? Scream deprivation can lead to aggression, depression, low self-esteem and manias. Noooo!

We forgot how to scream. If on rare occasions we happen to lose control and publicly release our frustration vocally, we feel awfully stupid and turn into a babbling idiots trying to explain why we screamed in the first place.

We need to regain our screaming power. There is a simple 10-step exercise that can help:

1. Stand up. This frees the diaphragm, enabling more power to go into the scream.
2. Move to an area far away from anything made of glass.
3. Open your mouth.
4. Scream. The louder the better.
5. Repeat step 4.
6. Repeat step 5.
7. Take a breath.
8. Repeat step 6.
9. Repeat step 8.
10. Stop.

Practice daily for one to three weeks.

Whenever you feel ready, go to J.C. Penny. Eyes wide, nostrils flaring, mouth gaping.  Deep breath… NOOOO!