“I can’t make you love me if you don’t.”

That’s right, I can’t. But can I at least try?

It's easy to fall in love. The hard part is to find someone to catch you.

What if you are living, breathing, dripping, drooling and lusting after someone, who does not feel the same way about you, or does not feel anything about you, or does not even know who you are? What if the most precious feeling becomes a permanent torture?

You wish there was some magic spell. You know, it sounds irrational, but Love is irrational itself, and it’s worth a try.

So on the night of full moon a teenage girl takes a special magic knife and carves on a special male-shaped candle “Justin loves Sarah”. And she puts the candle in front of a photo-shopped picture of Justin Bieber and herself together. She lights the candle and starts walking around her altar counterclockwise repeating something like:

Love me, love me,

Say that you love me,

Fool me, fool me

Oh how you do me,

Bieber, Bieber,

I’m dying here,

Just tell me what I wanna hear.

Sarah recites the incantation 8 times, then starts meditating, focusing on Justin’s love to her. She leaves the candle to burn down, which can eventually put her parents’ house on fire. But, hey, what wouldn’t we sacrifice for Love?

What happens next?The spell creates some kind of cloud, containing Sarah’s higher self. The cloud travels through the Universe until it reaches Justin’s higher self. Next, thousands of clouds, containing Sarah’s, Christy’s, Lindsey’s…higher selves are falling on a cute-styled head of the underage pop star. What can the poor rich guy do? Fall in and out of love every second on a “first come – first served” basis? This will do no good.

Maybe, it’s better to limit the spells to real people with bad hair, like your neighbor’s cousin or a girl from the hardware store. This is more realistic. But is it legal? Like, stalking the Object of your affection is definitely felonious. Can a love spell be equivalent to abduction? Can you be arrested for harassing someone through magical rituals and FDA-not-approved ingredients? Probably not, since they can’t prove it. But is it ethical? Love spell is taking away a person’s free will and may hurt your Object. What if you’ve casted a successful spell, and the Object fell head over heels for you? Now you get to know him/her for real, and you find out that the person has nothing in common with the dream you were in love with. Oops, my bad, don’t love you anymore… But your ex-Object is spellbound, hypnotically attached to you and injured for life. Good if you used a kind of spell with ‘Undo’ option. Like, when you put magically charged multi-colored shoelaces in a jar of honey. Then you can just rinse the shoelaces with water, and the spell is gone.(Unless the shoelaces were burnt, together with the jar, together with the house that was set on fire by your magic candle).

Since love spells are arguably effective, or legal, or ethical, the vendors of spell-kits (not to be confused with first grade grammar guides), do not recommend ‘Make-Bobby-love-me’ type of spells. Instead, they offer spells that employ the power of nature to open up channels of feelings that are blocked by other people (like the Object’s spouse) or ill-fated matters (like job, errands or poor health). They offer spells that allow the Object’s mind to be filled with thoughts of you (that’s a start, you do the rest). They also offer full customer service and moderate prices. Wait, but ‘moderate’ suggests a discounted witchcraft, and ‘price’ goes against the fundamental “Can’t buy me love”. That’s a bad start.

Maybe, we should forget about psychic tricks and try a scientific approach, not involving fresh blood of a young rabbit or dried poop of a pregnant rat.

Science does not know much about love, but it knows something.It alreadyunderstood the mating habits of the stickleback fish. It knows what kind of music (classical, jazz or pop) makes mice hornier. It recognizes the romantic hissing and purring of cats. Now it is time to turn to a new species, like humans. Unfortunately, we don’t have tails that wag, but we have eyes that widen, palms that sweat, stomachs that weaken and some other involuntary reactions.

Science knows that love has something to do with testosterone.It also knows WHAT to do with testosterone. For details and how-tos there are lots of reference books, giving you a tour of your Object’s bodily buttons and instructions like ‘press here’ or ‘stroke there’. Unfortunately, this ‘Rx for sex’ is only helpful after you already obtained some involuntary reaction from the Object. Fortunately, the most erotic organ of the Object is his or her brain. You can affect that brain to make the Object notice you, then like you (fall in like with you), then you ‘press here’ and ‘stroke there’, and finally you can work on the actual L-word. Every step of the routehas scientific references and techniques. It is still at experimental stage, but it’s worth a try.

Science also suggests that marketprinciples apply to love relationships. The Object unconsciously calculates your comparableworth, the cost-benefit ratio, the hidden costs, the maintenance fee, and theassumed depreciation. And you have to make him/her feel that he/sheis getting a very good deal.Do you stand a chance if you weren't born drop-dead gorgeous, or if your grandfather's name wasn't Rothschild or Vanderbilt? You sure do. You can enhance your looks (thanks to modern technology). You can (thanks to modern science) develop silver-tongued verbal skills that replace the silver spoon that was never in your mouth.

It takes lot of work. You know, “Love don’t come easy”. Whether you use witchcraft, science or prayer. But it’s worth a try.

You can try to make them love you, if they don’t.