MCDONALDS INSULTING COMMERCIALads, no ads, commercial, tired of commercial ads

Some TV commercials are insulting. Others are sexist, racist, ageist. Some are boring or plain stupid. A few are funny and artistic. And all of them are sneaky, manipulative, invasive, and are insulting your intelligence.

You don’t want to be pushed, solicited and brainwashed. If you want to buy a car, you will research your options yourself, the way you want and whenever you want. You don’t want to be persuaded that Chrysler is the best. At least - not by unrealistic movie clip, and not now. Now you want to know who murdered the old lady. You were almost positive, it was a FedEx guy, and one final clue was coming, right when your show was interrupted to let you know that Chrysler is the best. And also that scrubbing bubbles are magical. And that you need to try male enhancement and then reduce your monthly periods to just four a year. Did the FedEx guy kill the lady?! Wait for it.

There is help. A ‘mute’ button is there for quite a while. But you still see the disturbing images of animated mucus. If you close your eyes, you’ll probably miss that the FedEx guy is sick with pneumonia and the neighbor’s twins were switched with each other at birth. Now you are totally confused, can’t figure out who stole the necklace, and the only thing clear is that you’ll never buy a Chrysler.

There are also TiVo/DVR/Roku/tape recorders. You still need to fast forward the commercials. You still cannot keep your eyes closed while FF-ing. You still need to put up with erratically moving mucus.

Since we already taping the show, why not to eliminate the commercials automatically? Not so fast. There were attempts. Sonic Blue was sued for the sale of the Replay Box with automatic ad skipping, and went bankrupt. Why was it sued? Is it illegal to neglect the annoying solicitation? Not really. Logically, more people would watch a show minus commercials, so it is good for the programs market. Then why? There is some special undefined limbo of copyright law. Even though it's in your house and on your tape, recorded on your personal legal device, you don't really own it in the true sense of copyright law. Give me a break! I did not ask for this copy to begin with. I want the original version of the show, not interrupted every 7 minutes by some kind of mucus. And – I pay for the cable!

Believe it or not, it was life before cable TV. And believe it or not, television was free, sort of like radio. You could watch it, enjoy it and peacefully find out who killed the old lady. No Chrysler, no mucus and no monthly bills. And yes, advertisers paid for it, but that’s exactly why the TV was free. Then cable came along and at first you had to pay for it because there were no commercials. Now you can only watch the show during short breaks between the commercials and you also pay for it. What in the world…? Give me a quality antenna in the middle of New Mexico desert and a fair ad-free broadcasting…! Not so fast. Wait for it. Until then – “Geico will save you money for the cable bill”.

Why the creators of TV commercials are so sure that the repetitive intrusion in mass entertainment will bring them lot of business? Don’t they know, the artistic marketing creations, breaking through the firewall of our brain uninvited, do the exact opposite?

I will not buy your product, because you basically called me a loser for not having it. I will prove that you are losers by not buying it.

You try to flatter me with the catch-line “You deserve it” or “You are worth it”.  So give it to me for free. For money anyone undeserving and worthless can buy it. So I will not.

You are trying to scare me. You provoke my fear of aging, loneliness, financial instability and mucus. And you do it while I am enjoying myself watching the most hilarious/most relaxing show.  You kill my adrenaline-dopamine and cause cortisol explosion.  You make me angry. You set my mind strongly against your plastic surgery, your dating service, your free credit report and your Mucinex.

Even if I enjoy an occasional ad, it probably would not be your product that I enjoy. If you try to seduce me with a half-naked, bull-riding chick eating a very unsexual burger, I will enjoy the chick, disregard the bull and mentally remove your worthless burger from the picture.

Conditioning the clients with the sexual excitement is a popular but unwise technique. A hot girl gliding down a staircase, removing articles of closing as she goes will be watched by a wide audience again and again. Okay, bring it on, many viewers will not mind show interruption. By the way, anyone remembers the brand of car she advertised?

Even the ‘positive’ not-product-related ads, like anti-drug-alcohol-tobacco campaigns, can have an opposite effect if staged by an idiot producer. An informative slide "Everything you need to make crystal meth can be found at your local drugstore" is supposed to make parents watch over their kids and not let them make meth at home. While a commercial-watching teen would think “Oh, really? Thanks for the props.” A typical youngster will do the opposite of what he is told to do, so he will oppose the positive message, while collecting some ‘valuable’ info. An anti-alcohol ad, followed by a cheerful commercial for a new brand of vodka, will have an interesting effect as well.

And still, the advertisers keep doing what has been proven most effective. That is - propaganda and persuasion. It still works. As it works for politicians, religious leaders, and dictators worldwide. (As evil as he was, Hitler was a master of propaganda. And as evil as it was, it worked for him.) Scary…

We are stuck dealing with TV commercials. As in 18 minutes per hour commercial breaks. As in mid-kiss / mid-fight / mid-murder interruptions.

We are stuck with commercials on commercial TV. A kind of show within a show. A special media within media. We discuss it, trash it, nominate it for ‘the funniest’, ‘the dumbest’, ‘the most annoying’.

“And the winner is…” (wait for it) “…to be announced after these commercials.”

Wait for it.  Meanwhile, check leftover toilet paper on Charmin’ bear ass, buy a Toyota, learn how to spell free-credit-report-dot-com, don’t buy 1098, eat Jimmy Dean breakfast with undernourished solar system, lose weight with Special K, and fight mucus.