CRAPPIEST PIZZA I EVER ATE

PIZZA HUT NIGHTMARE

America has a love affair with pizza. It’s love with first bite. The pizza pie - the ultimate comfort food, snack food or gourmet food, fresh or  frozen, eaten hot or cold, at any time of the day, with just about anything on top, the most diverse and cosmopolitan food on the planet - is competing with apple pie for the ‘American pie’ nomination.

Everyone loves pizza. And if you don’t, you probably did not give it a proper try.  Keep eating, you’ll get there. The perfect combination of cheese, sauce, crust and toppings will find its way into your mouth.

We consume about 100 acres of pizza daily, 350 slices per second, and about 23 pounds per person yearly.

If you Google the word pizza, there are 339 million results. Compare that to just over 7.5 million for French fries or 111 million for ice cream.

What is this obsession with pizza? Why can so many people eat it day in and day out? And who really cares about the reason anyway?

There are too many aspects of pizza. We can only mention some.

Historical

We have yet to discover archeological evidence of a Dominos Pizza before the last century, but it is known that Babylonians, Israelites, Egyptians, Greeks, Romans and other ancient cultures had it on the menu.

Geographical

Pizza has no geographical boundaries. Its native soil is still up to debates.

It could have been invented by the Phoenicians, the Greeks, Romans, or anyone who learned the secret of mixing flour with water and heating it on a hot stone.

The etymology of ‘pizza’ does not help much. It might come from Latin ‘picea’, meaning ‘the blackening of bread in an oven’, or Old Italian ‘pizzicare’, which stands for  ‘to pinch’ or ‘pluck,’ or Old High German ‘bizzo’ or ‘pizzo’, that is ‘mouthful’, or Ancient Greek ‘pikte’- ‘fermented pastry’, or Aramaic ‘pita’, that is…well, pita.

Regardless of the nation responsible for this revolutionary gastronomic invention, pizza was, is, and will be eaten around the globe. Topped with pickled ginger, minced mutton, and tofu in India, squid and Mayou Jaga (mayonnaise, potato and bacon) in Japan, curry in Pakistan, and green peas in Brazil. In Russia, they serve pizza with tuna, mackerel, salmon, red herring and onions. In France, a popular combo is called the Flambee, with bacon, onion and fresh cream. Australians enjoy shrimp and pineapple on their pizzas; while Costa Ricans favor coconut.

Socioeconomic

Pizza has no socioeconomic boundaries.

The rich eat pizza just like the poor do; you can buy it frozen for less than a dollar, or you can go to a high-end bistro and spend fifty bucks or more on a personal pie with fashionable toppings.

As a shareable dish, pizza presents a great model of a fairer society.

Barack Obama made this statement to a 5 year old: ‘We’ve got to make sure that people who have more money help the people who have less money. If you had a whole pizza, and your friend had no pizza, would you give him a slice?” The youngster may not be able to embrace the basic idea of socialism, but as for pizza – he probably will share.

Nutrition

Nutritious is not a word often associated with pizza. More cheese on your pizza - more crust in your arteries. Add some pepperoni and kiss your cholesterol levels good-bye. But while fattening because of carb-laden dough, fatty meats and cheeses, and portion sizes (who can eat just one slice?), pizza is also quite healthy.  It can reduce the risk of heart-disease and cancer, thanks to tomato sauce, loaded with lycopene, health-promoting olive oil and great combination of all the major food groups: dairy, grain, meat, veggies and fruit (as in tomato fruit). And though carbs are known for wrecking your waistline, they are the best thing to eat for people who exercise.

There is even a pizza diet. Enjoy!

Convenience

You just dial a number and, voila, there's a guy at the door with a pizza.
(Pizza gets to your home faster than police). This is modern cooking.

Sure, you can cook pizza from scratch, serve it on plates with utensils and then wash the dishes.

You can even build an oven, raise a cow, milk the cow, make cheese, kill the cow, make toppings, grow tomatoes…  or you can just dial the number.

Labor and Delivery

Pizza production and delivery spell profit.

In the U.S. alone, the pizza industry generates well over $30 billion in sales each year, making pizza one of the most indulgent, highly competitive and readily accessible foods in American gastronomy. Pizza delivers.

If you want to make some dough – go into the pizza business.

Pizzanality

Pizza is just about as unique as people! You can personalize your pizza in almost every aspect, and your preferences could indicate a lot more about your personality than just whether or not you like pepperoni. Also, you can identify your personality as a specific pizza-type (you may not actually like to eat this type of pizza, as you are not necessarily fond of your persona).

Many of pizzanalities include ‘warm’, as your designated pizza stays warm long after it’s out of the oven. That’s good, you may like it.

Like, if you are a Seafood Marinara Pizza – you are rich, full-bodied and vulnerable leader of other pizzas.

Exotic Mediterranean – you are warm, witty and clever.

Supreme Pizza - strong, dependable and organized leader.

Capriccioso - charming, suave, resourceful and active.

Pepperoni - dependable, decisive and dedicated staple of the pizza men.

Spicy Mexicanaspicy (could you guess?), exciting, fun and unpredictable.

Sweet Dessert Pizza - creative, empathetic and introspective visionary.

And so on. That’s your qualities by toppings.

As for the style, being a ‘New-York-style‘pizza you are a family-oriented sports-loving  brainiac traditionalist. A ‘California-style’ pizza – creative and adventurous, bold and exciting. Deep dish ‘Chicago-style’ – wild ambitious daredevil.

That’s not what you eat, that’s who you are.

As for what you eat, there are also some dubious theories.

Like, people who prefer traditional, single meat toppings (pepperoni type people) are often irritable argumentative procrastinators. Multiple meat toppings lovers (Meat, Meat and More Meat kind) are dramatic, seductive extroverts who thrive as the center of attention. Single Veggie Lovers (either tomato or mushrooms) are empathetic, understanding, well adjusted and easy going. Lots of Veggies (mushrooms, tomatoes and everything from the garden) are humble, trustworthy, loyal and dependable.

And there is more.

You like it –take a pizza traits test.

Celebration of pizza

Pizza is loved so much that it has its own month. October has been dubbed as National Pizza Month in the United States since 1987.

You see, "Presidents" have "days"... pizza has a whole "month".
That’s how we honor our dear pizza pies.

Life is a lot like a pizza. If it is good – it’s great, not so good – also consumable. Life can have not enough toppings or too many slices. Life can feel like burnt crust or runny middle, and sometimes - like perfect seasoning on a brilliant pizza. And it’s meant to be shared.

So, enjoy a slice of life! Happy Pizza eating!