- Hello! I am your salesperson and I’ll guide you through our 90-minutes timeshare presentation!
- Hi! I am ecstatic to meet you!
- Have you seen our movie?
- Yes, loved it! It was 15 minutes, by the way.
- Did you have a tour around the property?
- Yes, loved it. It was another 35 minutes.
- How is our pool?
- Terrific!
- And the spa?
- Magnificent!
- The landscaping?
- Fantastic!
- Did you see the corner unit with a cactus?
- Loved it!
- Just one left…
- What, the cactus?
- No, the unit.
- I loved the cactus.
- We’ll put one for you.
- Can you do two?
- Only for you, as an exception, don’t tell anyone.
- Marvelous!
- Do you know our special low price for the cactus unit?
- Love it!.. How much?
- Let me show you…
- Superb!.. A little too much though.
- Let’s take 8 percent off, just for you, don’t tell anyone.
- Wonderful!.. Still too much.
- 15 percent?
- Can we make it 50?
- 25 off and we remove one cactus.
- 50 and take the other cactus.
- Fine, 50 and no Jacuzzi.
- Love the Jacuzzi.
- Just for you, 50 off with Jacuzzi, no cactus. Strictly between us.
- Fabulous!.. Still can’t afford it.
- I can’t go lower; I have a family to feed. I work on commissions.
- Do you have a picture?
- Of commissions? Ah, my family. Here…
- Love it!
- I need to feed them.
- You are a wonderful father!
- So, let’s buy some timeshare.
- And a great salesman!
- Let me invite my manager and we’ll sign the contract.
- It was 25 minutes, you have 15 left.
- Left of what?
- Out of 90. We should be done in 15 minutes.
- So, are you ready to sign?
- You are doing wonderful job!
- 55 off and a cactus, don’t tell anyone – deal?
- What about Jacuzzi?
- Just for you, Jacuzzi, corner unit –deal?
- Love it!..Still can’t afford.
- Do you know about our exchange program?
- Love it!.. Can I just buy a cactus?
- You did not plan to buy to begin with; and just wasted 40 minutes of my time. Aren’t you ashamed?
- Love it. It was 42 minutes to be exact. Loved every second of it. Can I get my free gift now?

Attending timeshare presentations just for the freebies has become a sport. Started with free hot breakfast and a margarita on the rocks, the gifts for 90-minutes-brain-beating-survivers are ranging now from show tickets and shopping sprees to electronics and free cruises. It pays to be a consumer. Even though the 90 minutes usually stretch into half a day of intense sales campaign, it is not a bad pay scale.

Let’s admit – we all like free stuff. It's time to come out of the closet and stop being ashamed of our freebie addiction. It is not because we are cheap. Okay, it is not ONLY because we are cheap. We just like getting presents. Why should we be ashamed? We don’t beg or demand. They generously offer – we generously accept. If time share companies give all this stuff away, maybe they know what they are doing. Maybe one confused buyer covers hundred-and-five sneaky freebie-hunters. And the next guy who cracked under the sales-attack and bought the corner unit with cactus, is giving presents to all of us, who just received our free amusement park tickets. And the hundred-and-five of us are screaming from the top of the roller coaster: “Thank you, sir, we love it!”
We love presents, and we just can’t resist the free stuff, even if it is something we don’t need. The opportunities are endless. There are so many internet companies begging:”Get free stuff and enjoy. Plee-ase.” How can we disappoint them? By responding to their plea, we only reinforce the code of ethics. So why some squanders call us unethical?
Our hobby is as respectful as dangerous. We need to avoid the free cheese that is planted in a mousetrap. We need to masticate the bait carefully not to swallow the hook. To maintain our integrity we have to reject some generous offers that jeopardize the mere essence of freebie. “Processing fee” or “shipping charges” make us bypass on the offer. It may be a great deal, but if we have to open our wallets, it is not a freebie anymore. It is not that we are afraid that the scammers may take our ‘fees’ and ‘charges’ and run away. Okay, it is not ONLY that we are afraid of scammers. The main point – we cannot betray our principals. “Free trial offers” are also unacceptable. And it is not that we’ll never be able to cancel it. Not ONLY we’ll never be able to cancel the free trial, it requires our credit card information, which requires opening the wallet.

Freebie by definition is whatever obtained WITHOUT opening the wallet.

And still sometimes we get scammed. Con artists and tricky marketers – they are the ethical code violators, not us. We are just freebie-hunters. It’s a sport. Or an addiction.