I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully opt: wedded] (husband/wife).
Love is in the air, veil is in the hair, centerpieces are in the center, life is good and something big is about to happen.

Two people are about to become one. The question is: “which one?”, but they will figure it out later. We are not talking about marriage. This is about wedding.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of.....of......of.......eh…..of..... these two people".

Okay, the wedding officiant forgot your names and his glasses. Without glasses he cannot read your names scribbled on a scrap of paper. This cannot ruin the grand event; you were planning for the last two years.

2 years before the Wedding:

• Started shopping for:
- perfect wedding planner
- perfect wedding site
- perfect dress
- perfect caterer
- perfect everything else

6 months before the wedding:

• He said something
• She said something
• Cancelled the wedding
• Cancelled the perfect planner
• Cancelled the perfect venue
• Cancelled perfect everything else
• Could not cancel the wedding registry

5 months and 3 weeks before the wedding:

• He said “Sorry”
• She said “Sorry”
• Could not remember what started the fight
• Decided to forget what started the fight
• Re-hired the perfect planner
• Un-cancelled the perfect caterer
• The perfect venue was no longer available
• Un-cancelled the florist. The flowers price went up
• The band refused to un-cancel due to loss of trust.
• Did not need to re-register at the wedding registry
• Enrolled in pre-marital cancelling

4 Weeks before the Wedding:

• Wedding ring lost
• Caterer canceled
• DJ hired due to loss of the perfect band due to loss of trust

3 Weeks before the Wedding:

• New ring ordered
• Florist cancelled
• The only hotel in the area had “no vacancy” due to construction.
• Reception cannot be outside due to “circumstance”

2 Weeks before the Wedding:

• New ring not in
• New ring not really ordered
• New ring reordered
• No response from already booked videographer
• No response from already booked photographer
• Dress did not arrive in time for alterations

Day before the Wedding:

• Limo company cancelled
• Bridesmaid’s luggage lost
• Oysters did not arrive in time for the rehearsal dinner, the dinner delayed.

Morning of the Wedding:

• The groomsmen did not show up

• Servers didn’t show up
• Second hairdresser couldn’t make it
• The ice mold for the buffet table broke
• Ten people are puking yesterday’s oysters. Including the bride.
• A tornado warning issued
• The groomsmen showed up - late and stumbling drunk
• New ring is two sizes too big
• The rings are in the safe box of the best man’s hotel room
• The best man forgot the safe lock combination

Time to start the wedding

Minister to Bride: Do you take this man to be your husband?
Bride: I do.
Minister to Groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife?
Bride: He does.

It is a turning point. Years before the wedding she enjoyed listening to him. From this moment on he got to enjoy listening to her. A year later the entire neighborhood has to enjoy listening to both of them. But we are not talking about marriage. Just the wedding.

With this ring I thee weird.

Don’t want a traditional wedding – make it out of the ordinary. Say "I do" while bungee jumping, swimming with sharks, crawling with snakes or hunting an elephant. Do it on a melting glacier or in the crater of active volcano. Go wild and get the whole wedding party arrested. It should be one in a life time event. We are not talking about marriage. But the weird wedding will never be forgotten by the survivors.

Don’t like sharks or snakes – you can at least personalize your vows.

I , (name), take you, (name), to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast forwarded for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do us part.

Don’t want to be playful – be serious

I, party of the first part, do thee wed, party of the second part, to have and to hold under this contract witnessed before the parties of the third part. Hereto with, I proclaim myself without further contractual obligations until such time as this marriage contract becomes null and void in a court of law.

Marriage is a legal contract. Wedding is a business transaction, legalizing the contract. Father walks the bride down the aisle to transfer ownership to the groom.

I take this woman to be my wife. For richer or for poorer…..or at least until she spends all of my money

Love is in the air, the wedding bells, the doves, the butterflies – all that jazz. Say “freeze” to the camera. Enjoy your big party.

Minister to Bride: Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with the flatulence of, relinquish the remote to and put the toilet seat down after until death do you part?

Minister to Groom: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, and you have the right to have an attorney present.

You may kiss the bride.